Si ça peut donner des idées à certains

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. Be prepared or my mood.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything
at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you
send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99
for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your
message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a
reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this
message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by
your PC for my response.

11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother
to leave me any messages.

12: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of
'Steve'.