What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
None. They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, they have machines for that now.

How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
Place a sheet of music in front of him.