|
>>The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests
>>and in Sunday school quizzes by children in 5th and 6th grade in
>>Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two
>>teachers.
>>--------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who
>>all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
>>climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live
>>elsewhere.
>>
>>-------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
>>unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
>>Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died
>>before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He
>>was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It
>>sounds like he was sort of busy too.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
>>wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
>>young female moth.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving
>>people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of
>>wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career
>>suffered a dramatic decline.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
>>biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than
>>they show on tv now.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
>>The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
>>be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw
>>for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French
>>still have problems.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a
>>success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
>>shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long
>>while.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
>>invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
>>was the circulation of blood.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
>>cigarettes and started smoking.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper
>>which was very dangerous to all his men
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
>>was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
>>made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
>>tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
>>wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
>>wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
>>Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were
>>two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
>>discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also
>>declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a
>>naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
>>mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
>>built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
>>signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got
>>shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
>>They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly
>>insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
>>number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
>>which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
>> Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
>> Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was
>>very large.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that
>>he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He
>>took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for
>>him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
>>inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
>>reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
>>network of rivers to spring up.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of
>>a hundred men.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the
>>Species. It was very long people got upset about it and had trials
>>to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not
>>just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
>>
>>.----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what
>>she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they
>>didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.
>>
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in
>>the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone
>>in the family had to have a job, I guess.
|
Connexion
Inscription
FAQ
Rechercher
