1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayedbehind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much - he became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,"I can't stand chess-nuts boasting

in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to family in Egypt and is named Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was an insensitive oaf who sent ten awful puns to his friends with the hope that at least one would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

Razoo

Not as good as yours, but here's some from my childhood actually...

There's a monastery that's in financial trouble and in order to increase revenue, it decides to go into the Fish and Chips business.
One night a customer raps on the door and a monk answers.
The customer says "Are you the fish friar?"
"No", the robed figure replies "I'm the chip monk."

Spooktacular: Did you hear about the ghost who got flabby from lack of exorcise?
Ghost stories are seance fiction.

Then there's the story of the old gal who died and left $100,000 to her dog and cat.
"But they're going to have trouble trying to cvollect," said one guy.
"I understand the budgerigar is contesting the will."


And an aussie old one...

The Crows and the Jet Plane
The crows of Bedourie, as everybody knows, fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes.
Not so long ago, two of these crows were flying bakcwards toward their home tree, trying to reach their destination before the gathering darkness enveloped them.
Suddenly, as if from nowhere, there came a sharp wail and a whoosh and a roar. A jet plane flashed past them and was almost immediately lost in the night.
"Stone the Magpies!" said one crow, as they picked themselves out of the dust. "Wasn't he moving!"
"Yes," said his mate, "And so would you be if you had two behinds and they were both on fire!"

Kate