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The following advice for American travellers to France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centres for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don’t know about. It is intended as a guide for American travellers only.
General overview:
France is a medium sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance with not very good shopping.
France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Euro Disney
Among its contributions to western civilization are champage, camembert cheese and the guillotine.
Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.
The people.
France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 4 million are small children). All french people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, aloof, arrogant and undisciplined; those are their good points.
Men sometimes have girls names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss one another when they meet.
In General, France is a safe destination, although travellers must be aware from time to time it is invaded by Germany.
France’s historical figures are Louis XIV, the Hugenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle.
The French form of Government is democratic, but noisy elections are more or less held continuously. The French love administration, so, for government purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages, cafes and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and elections. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and the lower. Confusingly they are both on the ground floor.
Parliament’s principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain.
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. They have never made a movie you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.
Cuisine:
Lets face it: no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, Americans are advised to stick to cheeseburgers.
Hardly surprisingly made by Americans, huh
Kate
PS: I left out several lines that I consider might be offensive to French readers - as that's just untrue trash, and even Rick at our Alliance Francaise evening last week (where we found these) was indignant on France's behalf at reading some of these.
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Tu peux expliquer en Français stp merci
It's sometimes better to laugh at oneself than to cry.